SAINT MOSES THE BLACK
FROM VIOLENCE TO PEACE
From Violence to Peace
Saint Moses the Black led a band of robbers in fourth century Egypt and was remembered for murder, theft, and immense physical strength. After abandoning that life, he entered a monastic community and became known for humility and gentleness. According to tradition, when attackers approached his monastery late in his life, he refused to defend himself violently and was killed. The man who had once inflicted terror came to face violence without taking up a weapon against it.
Wanting Someone to Be Afraid
My life is far removed from Moses’s bloodshed, but I have to be honest about the moments when I want someone to feel my anger. I can raise my voice, sharpen my tone, or keep pressing after I recognize that I am making someone uncomfortable. Sometimes that discomfort is the point. I want them to hesitate before challenging me again. Calling it frustration allows me to avoid a harder admission: I am using the force of my reaction to make another person back down.
The Moment Before I Act
When I feel anger rising, I can begin treating it as an instruction. My body tightens, my attention narrows, and the urge to act starts feeling like something that must be obeyed. I tell myself I need to settle the matter immediately, although I may only want the relief of releasing my anger onto someone else. Restraint requires me to endure that feeling without making another person carry it. I have to let the moment pass without the satisfaction of frightening, humiliating, or overpowering them.
Knowing Where to Strike
I do not have to throw a punch to choose to hurt someone. I can remember what they are ashamed of, what they fear, or what they once trusted me enough to reveal, and reach for it during an argument. There is a moment when I recognize exactly what a sentence will do. If I say it anyway, I cannot honestly call the wound an accident. I have taken something I know about another person and used it against them because, in that moment, hurting them mattered more to me than protecting their trust.
Learning to Be Gentle
Painting Saint Moses the Black makes me question whether the people closest to me can feel safe when I am angry. I want gentleness to become something they experience from me, especially when I feel challenged or misunderstood. In my series The Redeemed, Moses stands for the possibility that a person can learn to stop using strength to cause harm. I bring God the part of me that still wants to strike back, asking for the willingness to leave a cruel sentence unspoken and let someone disagree without making them pay for it.