JASON GONZALEZ

My work grows out of examining my life honestly and a deep, almost desperate search for God’s presence in and around me.

I pay attention to what disturbs me, what draws me and what I resist. My questions reach into the whole of my life: what I have done, what has happened to me, the love I have received and the parts of myself I still struggle to understand. Shame, guilt, gratitude and longing all enter the work. I paint to dig. To question what I think I understand. To confront what I would rather avoid. To search for God in the life I actually have.

My visual language draws from sacred art, graffiti and illustration. Bold color, heavy black lines and fractured shapes give form to what I carry. I lay down paint, wash over it with white gesso, scrape it back and work into it with my hands. I repeat the process until I know it is time to move to another piece. What I cover continues to affect what comes next. The surface bears the history of everything I have done to it.

Painting is a solitary spiritual exercise. In the quiet of the studio, I enter my life more deeply. I make a mark, step back, examine it and respond. Sometimes I experience clarity, a brief taste of God’s presence. I cannot summon it or hold on to it. Other times, there is only silence. Still, I feel compelled to paint, responsible to something greater than myself.

The paintings do not resolve the search. They are evidence of it. I want them to ask of the viewer what painting asks of me: attention, honesty and the willingness to remain with what has not yet been answered.